Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
