Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
