walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
