wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
