One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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