Please, let me fuck your mom
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
