i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
