and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
