I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
