i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
