so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
