I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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