Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
