I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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