Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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