Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
