How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
