Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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