While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
