I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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