They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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