...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
