my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
