Tell her she can't have a vagina
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
