for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
