dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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