Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
