Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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