It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
