Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
