I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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