smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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