need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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