How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize