I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
