so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
