Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
