Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
