chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
