Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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