I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
