On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
