and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
