if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
