He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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