they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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