seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
