guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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