If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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