Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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