Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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