You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
