Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
