I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
