I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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