Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
