is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
