You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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