um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
