i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
