oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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