I never want to see another naked old woman again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
