dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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