My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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