my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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