I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
