have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In America we eat man semen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
