Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
