I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
