Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
