he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
