I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
