I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
