i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
