i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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