New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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