I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
